i.
it had felt like happiness
maybe it was
and i thought that
(truly i did)
that it was the promise of the lesson from job
happiness exploding after sorrow
job, whom satan wanted to undo
satan who went to god after roaming the earth
and said you think job is so loyal don't you
and god who was so sure of job's steadfast loyalty said
go ahead and try to get him to break
job, whose oxen and donkeys and sheep and camels were stolen
whose servants were slain
whose children were lost to fierce winds
whose body was ravaged by disease
job, little mortal plaything of the fallen angel of light
and of the almighty everlasting alpha and omega
a folly to prove unyielding faith,
given over to satan to torture but not kill,
whose wife said curse god and die
whose friends said you must have done something to deserve this
job, who said yet though he slay me will i trust in him
[...]
job, who finally said what the actual fuck, god
what did i ever do to you
come down here man to man and
give me an explanation
job, who was chastised for asking
job, who only knew what he knew and nothing more
job, whom god loved
job, who survived the trial
job, whom god blessed --
-- the latter half better than you could ever even wish for --
the reward after the hideous midpoint
marked by all that destruction all that loss, all that sorrow
god blessed job with new animals, new servants, new children
job said yippee i can die a happy man
ii.
i cannot recall
the slant of the afternoon light when the veil was rent
the rush back
hurrying to retrieve
the long sorrow, the deepening regret, the familiar grief
take up the mantle once more
wear it heavy as a yoke
iii.
it is ok with me if
happiness is just an illusion
and all we ever have is this
