dreams of an aging mother

when i sleep and

when i dream

you are small

and you are lost

or you are left behind

or something is wrong

and i can not

save you

or find you

or i see the mark of your future

despair and change

and i am calling for you

frantic

desperate

afraid

guilty filled with regret

yelling outside my dreams

and into the night

and shall it come to pass

that all this knowing
will vanish
with my death

and all this longing
whirling
ceases and disappears

darkness gathers
a wind cuts through
the autumn woods

i am standing
on pine needles
and fallen leaves

calling to my father
waiting for a whisper
a message from the past