post death dream

this is the death of my father
who left without saying goodbye
caught by surprise as he was
and we begin wading through
the debris of coming to the end of
how things always have been

last night my father showed up
in my dream and I told him about the
credit card and how it no longer
mattered what was or was not
the balance/the limit
for he was now Dead

so soon he appeared to me
we were in a car floating through
some intersection as if
neither of us was driving
but both of us were trying
to figure this thing out

Dead Father

It happened this year
This month
Just one week ago
Late at night
Time flies
Yesterday he was in his early fifties and
I was pregnant with his first grandchild
He said he needed to take better care of himself
He was so happy that I had a baby
And used to stop by every Sunday on his way and
Every Friday returning again
To see the baby

We moved states away
Took that little one far from all he knew
He cried that he wanted to go home
He did not mean where we lived after moving

When my daughter arrived on earth
It took six months before my dad could visit
Holding her for the first time
She burst into tears
Afraid of her grandpa
Who adored her

Tumultuous, our relationship
Anger embarrassment cringing
Overpowering definition of everyone but himself
Until finally, old enough, I grew up
And saw my aging father and missed him
In advance of his death