growing up

all those times I raged
against what was
oh god what did i know of loss
until the loss became the whole
of me and i had to look for
what was left after all the
flames had died away
all the sorting through
the ashes and the past
to poke around and see
if a phoenix would arise
years ago i put my tooth
under my pillow
awoke in the morning to find
that the tooth fairy had come
no sparkling wings appear
to give me gold for loss
i dig my way to redemption

This is the death I am talking about

Before it ever happens
to you, I mean
you think it hardly will matter
at all
and then you find out

You were wrong.

Because some days
you find yourself thinking
why don't I call
it's been a while
until you remember

Oh. 

I see my father the night
he died
stumbling and bleeding
surprised so taken
by surprise to realize

This is it.

Now I drive alone
without a father
and I wonder alone
without my dad
to listen and tell me

His own thoughts.

I found something 
when my father died
and all I can think is
that if my dad were
still alive he would say

About time.