How to Make a Closed Room Disappear

I am watching
Me
To see if I might
Be able to
Discover
The secret
Of how to open new
Doors
(good doors,
doors that lead to
freedom and light)
And close off
Others so that
The rooms behind them
Finally fall off cliffs
And vanish
Forever
In the abyss
I would not
Resurrect them
I would not see them
Ever again or
Remember them
I would rather have them
Gone like that
Than sticking around
Ridiculing my efforts
Mocking me
Tempting me
Calling me
Pulling me as a magnet
Draws iron filings
Hand outstretched
Reaching for the knob
In a tractor beam
From space
Toward that one
Hated end
Sworn enemy of
My future
This
Forbidden by myself
Now watching myself
Bid me open the
Doors I had barred
Boarded
Locked
Walked away from
Painted shut
Covered with drywall
Hung tapestries over
Pushed furniture up against
Pretended were not there
Said I am through
And I need not open you
Again
Only to pry off boards
Search for old keys
Turned back to like Lot’s wife
Scraped off paint
Punched holes with fists
Yanked down pastorals
Shoved armoires aside
Could not stop myself
From entering once again
Walking inside
Finding historical misery
And the vortex that
Went down
Down
Down
And
down